Fighting Through Imposter Syndrome

It was January of 2022 when I decided to take a chance. Two years into a pandemic and after the loss of friends and family, I was in my head about not having any regrets. I took the first steps in 2020 to have my work edited, but unfortunately my editor back then was dealing with health struggles. The years seemed to be racing by with so much uncertainty, and while I was patient at first I could not wait any longer. By June 2022 I was determined to be published, the sixteenth was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wanted to put my written work out. So, ignoring advice of waiting and submitting to a traditional publisher, I went the indie route and submitted my completed albeit unpolished work to Draft2Digital. I was nervous and wondered if my story would even resonate with anyone. But I took the chance, and while not hoping for much, my book sold its first hundred copies in less than four months. Which for something I had to publish, promote myself it was not bad. I am currently sitting at nearly five hundred copies sold split between E-books and Paperbacks. But it wasn’t enough for me to just have one work. I had to prove I could do it again and then some.

Axiom our first novel- Cover by Roger A Ott II

While taking on other side projects such as web comic scripts, the second novel’s story brewed. In fact, while listening to Aretha Franklin’s “I Say A Little Prayer For You.” A scene played out in my head of the main female lead singing this song to an infant. It was just a whisp of an idea, but I knew I had my story anchor. At the end of my first novel, I gave a plausible path to a second story, though I also wrote in a way that if it was to be my only work I wouldn’t feel great regret. But there was something inside me that did not want to just stop writing. But my mind war, sure I did it once and had to see all the errors I left in and while I still believe Axiom is a solid story on its own. If I was going to go from a world of number crunching to actually writing could I just rest myself on one novel and a hopeful webcomic launch? I knew the answer was no. But I also wrestled with the mental struggle of am I just a fraud? This gave me fear and anxiety even as I started my character notes and possible plot points. Even using my phone to jot down any potential idea no matter how obscure. I knew I was struggling with imposter syndrome. But I had no idea how prevalent this is among people who are creative or even in successful positions in other fields.

Even as two years pass and I continued to piece together the plots I had dreamt up, including adding my take on the idea of separating children from their families as if they are objects (Thanks to 45/47’s disgusting family separation policy). I was able to slowly eke out a story that I felt touched upon so many themes, advanced technology and evolution, causal and not so casual bigotry, family both blended and biological. Along with the themes of death, war and paradise. I was able to explore what it would mean to be sentient tech, digital yet both organic, a blend of techno organic in a world where organic still considers itself the “alpha species.”  And while the death count is a bit larger in this novel than its predecessor, I felt the loss of life was necessary in a story that explores evil in various ways. But will this second attempt resonate? As I write this the first three copies of the E-book has sold, and while I will be promoting it as hard as I can, I am still only human. All I can do is hope that just like my first book the story touches those who read it. Because that was always the point of this.  And with this second finished work, I feel I can win this battle against Imposter Syndrome once and for all.

You can pick up a copy of our novel Axiom, and our new story Taara Destiny’s Chosen at any E-store in either E-book or Paperback.  Axiom: https://books2read.com/u/mBzXkp Taara: https://books2read.com/u/bMqlnX